A newspaper-report from the DNC (De Nauwelijkse Courant)

Where the fuck is Voyeurodam?



Voyeurodam is to find in the very very western part of The Kingdom of the Netherlands.

In former  times it also belongs to The Netherlands, but became indipendent some years ago, when a rich man bought it because of it’s very warm and dry climate.  He wants to farm there some special biological and very healthy fruits and seeds.

Up to now nothing is to see from this fruits – pictures which were made secretly fromout of a plane shows  big areas of plants which looks a bit like the coca-plant. Taking foto’s is strictly forbidden in the desert-area of Voyeurodam.

People fears that they maybe really grow coca-plants for the production of cocaine, which is not forbidden  in Voyeurodam. People who visited  Voyeurodam with a difficult to get visum (Voyeurodam don’t belongs tot he European Community)  told, that most of the  inhabitants there behave strange. Some oft hem cocaine was offered to buy, for the „export-price“ of € 100 – per kilogram!


Voyeurodam was to sell because The Dutch Crown  wants to get rid of it – Voyeurodam has a big grot from inside, so it’s very light and it is possible  that it could break off the Dutch coast and drives in the North Sea. In this case  Netherland don’t wants to be responsible if it drives towards England and crashes against the English coast and maybe will cause a horrible accident with England – and England could sink than into the floods of the North Sea.,


Additional info:

In those grots a complete metro-train dissapered in the late years 70, when it lost it’s way because the  metro-driver, who just absolved his training, forgot the right way to drive. A lot of people were missed and never  found back, it was very  complicated for the rescue-teams  to  reach the place of accident. But most oft he people shall be alive, like passengers knew, they now live under  the surface. Only some very low lighted pictures exists from the early 80th, but there a primitive buildings to see, where those people shall live.

We inform you about that fact in one of the following reports.

Voyeurodam has a population of around 5.000 people which are mostly workless since the biggest industry in the area closed, several years ago.

It was a big iron-company which wanted to produce vaults. The company’s name  was The Vault Heavy Iron Works  Industry Ltd.

The only vault they ever  really build around  1900 was a huge one with the dimensions of around 20 x 20 x 20 meters, for  to store and protect the money of the owner of the company.

The vault was build in the period from 1900 upto  1920. After it was finally ready, the owner was bankrut and had to close the company. Because there was not enough money for to paint the huge building which is totally made from steel , it’s very rusty meanwhile. Because of that Voyeurodam is also called  „City of rust“ .



In the time after WW II some people came back to Voyeurodam, opend some small companies or factories – and had to close them a short time later. A lot of prostitutes came to live there, mostly from Russia, and so Voyeurodam long time was known as Netherlands biggest whorehouse. But most of the prostitutes were lesbian, and so nowadays the one visits the other and pays her services – and than the other way round.


Since computers and 3D-technic became very popular, a lot of 3D-artists with less money came to live in Voyeurodam, cause the flats were cheap. They created more and more 3D-characters for films and animations, but thoseones developed an own life, time after time, they needed flats, houses, infrastucture, and  today they have their own community, which ist he biggest in Voyeurodam.

Because the 3D-people don’t have to eat and drink, there are only a few, from the Dutchie’s very loved „terrasjes, kroegjes en feest-tentjes“ (bars & co.) and there is almost no supermarket and only a small „Albert Heijn-filiaal“, which mostly sells nonfood articles.


Due to this reason there are only some foreign visitors which spent their freetime or holidays there although it’s a very nice, warm and dry climate over there. Voyeurodam is also surrounded by the North Sea, which is very warm in that area. Because there are no tourists, Voyeurodam has only one hotel – the hotel „Seduce Me“ which was closed for a long time and now is re-opend. You can hire normal rooms, but you will be surrounded by guests who come there with a russian prostitute, a beautiful 3D-girl which looks very very young  (but you never  know for sure, at least they have no ID-papers) or with some male-prostitutes, elderly guys and  former 3D –artists who became workless because there are too many of them.

„So, the nights in this hotel  can be exciting, but also very noisy…!“  like the VVV  (Dutch Tourist Service) informs.


Some of  the former russian prostitutes became buininess-women and opend up mostly sparepart-shops fort he 3D-characters. It’s a fact that they can’t have sex like humans because they have no genitals. But having sex seems to be very attractive to those people, and so the most requested articles in the sparepart-shops are penises and vaginas – and also the software for  them. Some computer-nerds are just developing a software, which also can create the real orgasm-feeling for the 3D’ers.



Computer-Bild  writes in one of it‘s last articles: „… it’s not working very well and satisfiing up to now, the processors which shall produce and squirt the sperm at the men’s genitals are very slow and forceless. By some of the testing 3D-men the ejaculation came sometimes one hour  after  the orgasm, when they were dressed again and were at their work, just in the moment when they were disciplined by their boss because they arrived too late at work…“


Voyeurodam is surround by a border, which is made from steel which was laying around in the old factory of The Vault Industries, partly it’s made from elements of the Berlin-wall which separated east and west Germany up to about 20 years ago.

If you live in the Dutch part oft he Netherlands, close to the border, you can enter and leave The Free Island of Dutch-Voyeurodam with your ID-card, others will need a hard-to-get visum. Voyeurodam have no ambassades in other countries, you can get a visum only at the Mayor’s in Voyeurodam-City. But the office is closed mainly because the Mayor is mostly drunk from alcohol in combination with beeing stoned from cocaine, combined with laying on or under a russian prostitute, which is sometimes is gay or lesbian..


The VVV informs:


If you want to visit Voyeurodam, you need a visum. You can ask this visum at:

The Mayor’s Office for Foreign Affairs which is opend:

Monday – Friday:       when the Mayor is present

Saturday                      from 15.34 – 15.38

Sunday                         closed


Telefone: -yes-

Email: -also-


What do you need to ask a visum:

1.    A colored picture of yourself, which shows your genitals

2.    A lot of money fort he Mayor, no exact amount known

3.    On Saturdays a precisiously working clock – because of the short opening-time

4.    Most important: if you want to go Voyeurodam to ask a visum, take a visum with you, otherwise you can’t cross the border.

And so, the slogan of Voyeurodam which is also visible at their city-board and on their website, (www.voyeurodam.com) - which is out of order since more than a year - is:

Welcome to Voyeurodam – it’s a weird and bizar  world – but you get used to it!



Like the newspaper from Voyeurodam, „De Nauwelijkse Courant“ informs, the traffic in the country shall become only-electric, from next year on.

Cars with fuel- or diesel-engines will be forbidden than. Those cars could be changed  free of  charge at some local Scoot-dealers, you get a brandnew Scoot in change against your old car. Even if your old car is a 3-month-old Mercedes from 95.000 €

Scoot is the new brand on the electric-car market, from next month on it also shall be produced in Voyeurodam, in the old The Vault Industries – factory, which gets modificated at the moment.

The Scoot will be available in 3 models, they all are only 2-seaters.

„What if we have  2 children?“ the owner of the the new comany was asked by De Nauwelijkse Courant. „Sell them,“  he answered, „we pay good prices for the children! We need them for childrenswork in our factories in Bagladesh! If you really want to keep them you can get a second Scoot from us, for half oft he price. As long as a child is big enough to reach the pedal, it can drive itself. They have big bumpers all around and they only go up to 15 km/h, so in case of an accident nothing really bad could happen.“

„The Scoot drives electrical, he makes contact with the energy over a system from The Blue Konehead, who meanwhile gethered a whole church community around  him which prayse him as the new god. The system is build-in the roads of our town and country since last year. But what if we want to go to another country for holliday?“ DNC asked.



„What do you want in another country, it‘s great here! And if you really wants so hard to travel to another place, the accu  reaches for about one hour, you can almost come to the most western areas of Amsterdam. And the way back you have to push it, it’s good for your health!‘ was his answer. But than he laughed and DNC got to hear:

„No, of course,  that was a joke, you don’t have to push it. Take a long electric-cable with you from Voyeurodam, than you can drive to Madrid or maybe to Moskow, if you want. So simple is it. That’s technic!“


„By the way,“  the Scoot-company owner informed, „ if you change a very good and expensive car against a Scoot, you also can have an old model of Scoot, from the Chinese production-line. Those old models don’t have a reduced engine, what the new models have to have. The old ones go up to 290 km/h, that’s fun! Only 20 cms above the street, without any shock-absorbers! You’ll never forget that! If you want, we have some old’s here, you may test it and make a great report about it in your newspaper!"

„Ok, great, we’ll do,“ DNC says, „…maybe next time…!“